Zebediah Thistlehorn, The Velour Mongoose

10:03 am: From my Italian friend who can barely speak English and never ever emails me.

From: daitan III
To: Kiki
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 10:44:58 +0100
Subject: telefilm

hi kikki,
yesterday i forgot to tell you if you see the telefilm:
now in italy there is a beautiful telefilm call "O.C.",did you see it? maybe it's near to end (sigh!!!).see you later
Ale

12:38 pm: I'm having a party tomorrow, and you're all invited.

Let me know if you want to come.

10:02 am: Mmmmmmm Thorpedo.

08:52 pm: I have to share this:

Today I went to see children from public schools across New York compete in a ballroom dance competition. They foxtrotted, tangoed, and merengued their way into my heart. I have never seen so many little kids excited about something so nerdy. It was amazing.

04:13 pm: I had a dream in Florida and it went like this:

I was seeing my friend's band play and when they were done he came up to me and said, "Did you bring me back anything from Florida?" I had not, and so I panicked -- at that moment, Dwayne Wayne from A Different World flew down from the sky. He was dressed in grey raggedly clothes and was wrapped in chains, much as the ghost of Christmas past. "I know a place with good souveniers," he said. He took me in his arms and we flew through the starry night. "Dwayne," I said, "Did you and Whitley ever get together?" He didn't answer me and instead took me to a warehouse where there was only one shelf, on that shelf were lockets with moving pictures inside. They sang or told stories. I don't remember which.

The end.

06:03 pm: An addendum to prior entry:

Also, to just up the posh of my humble residence, the management has deemed it appropriate to place a pine shaped car air-freshener on the inside handle of the front door. To give my lobby that oh so classy new car smell.

02:15 pm: So the damn Buddhists are back. I didn't even know that they were gone but I saw them coming into my building yesterday afternoon, with their saffron robes and luggage with Free Tibet stickers on it -- and then as I tried to fall asleep last night the telltale insence wafting into my bedroom window. I tried in vain to close my window, but it was stuck, and so I resigned myself to the smell, and as I grew accustomed to it and began to drift off, that was right about when someone on the lower floors started a party, blasting Spanish radio up into my window, and I tried again to close it but had to resort instead to covering my head with two pillows.

This is not to mention the deranged monkey/dying bird that lived with some disillusioned pirate on the 4th floor. It is, presumably, tortured on a daily at around 6am.

Oh, I just love my building.

11:54 pm: Here is another story to entertain Melissa.

This one has to do with a certain someone who will not be named... it's an old but familiar tale. I wrote a play about it.


BASED ON A TRUE STORY

Scene 1 : The living room

[The scene: a darkened living room, illuminated by the glow of the television. On the couch facing the tv sit TAD, a boy with a gigantic head, and KIKI, a lovely princess. KIKI is huddled in the far corner of the couch, while TAD sits in the middle. He seems preoccupied.]


TAD: Hey Kiki...

KIKI: SHHH! I'm trying to watch this Agatha Christie movie! Oh, what on earth will that clever Hercule Poirot think of next??

TAD: Um.

KIKI: Be quiet, I can't hear what's going on. I do so enjoy a proper English mystery show.

[TAD puts his hand across the 2 feet that seperate them and places it on KIKI's knee.]

KIKI: [Slaps his hand] What are you doing??

TAD: [Sheepishly] Um.

KIKI: I am watching TV, you know.

[KIKI crosses her arms and moves her legs out of TAD's reach.]

TAD: Would you like a foot massage?

KIKI: NO, gross.

TAD: [Offended] I was just asking.

Scene 2 : The kitchen

[TAD, KIKI, HARON, and BAIDEN sit around a table. They are all drinking beer except for KIKI who is obviously drinking some frou frou cocktail.]

TAD: You know, I wouldn't say this if I wasn't so drunk, but I put my picture on ratemycock.com and only got a 2 out of 10.

BAIDEN: [Points to the half full bottle of beer] Hey man, isn't that your first one?

TAD: Oh, yeah. [Leaves]

HARON: [To KIKI] Was that another pick up line?

KIKI: [Sighs]


THE END

Also, here is some old advice.

SmokeyJones: dont let him touch you
SmokeyJones: he might knock you out with his head and take advantage of you
SmokeyJones: come to think of it, you should probably wear a helmet of some sort

12:31 am: This is the beginning of a new arsenic_cookie.

I was told today that I am a big weirdo because every new entry that my friend came upon was on Duchesses and souffles. So I'm turning over a new leaf, and from now on, all my entries will be devoted to entertaining Melissa, bless her little Puerto Rican heart.

I will start by reminding her of some good times:

My dad loves white castle. I could take it or leave it because to be frank that stuff's pretty nasty but my fascination with small/mini things makes it ok. Anyway, he loves WC, and Max has never been, so one day my father said, Max, you've never been? Let us go and feast like kings! (He actually said feast like kings, I don't make that sort of thing up.) So they went and to facilitate the feating, they took a bottle of wine with them and lived it up.

The end.

06:14 pm: Hello. I am update mad today.

And, like, finally, I have my own show on the WB.

My LiveJournal Sitcom
arsenic_cookie in a party (WB, 12:30): arsenic_cookie (Garry Shandling) buys heavyhanded (Natasha Henstridge)'s old pain-killer tablets. Later, rjwhite (John Wayne) borrows money from tonyz (Joe Pesci)'s co-worker. That same day, stephenl (Candice Bergen) buys a wheelbarrow from armh (Ali Larter). Upstairs, shekb (Dudley Moore) misinterprets an email from cherry_cherry (Louis Prima) and tries to get into the cinema for free. Also, justinsomething (Fairuza Balk) teaches santaroberto (Ewan McGregor) about Marxism. Insanity ensues. TV-G.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

05:30 pm: As of today, no more dirty work. As of tomorrow, only clean work.

I saved Rock and Roll! (?)

There was something else I was meant to say.

12:47 pm: Oh, I had quite forgotten about this:

The Paint Collective

10:19 am: The Duchess, gazing over the fields behind the manor house, realized with a sudden pang that despite the sun reflecting brightly on the creek and the quiet hum and shimmer of the grass (so green, that it couldn't possibly be real) and the sky so blue that she thought she was dreaming -- despite all this, she longed for the cinematic black and white of winter.

03:51 pm: As per request, I post the following:

A photograph from a fancy lunch with stephenl, where were delegated to a sectioned off corner because we are the hoi poloi.

06:20 pm: hi justin you inspired me.


oh no!

it's the RED BULL!

12:35 am: My favorite thing about New York is the subways. The most amazing things happen underground. Often times the craziest people zig zag through the subterranean corridors, dancing or muttering or playing an electric keyboard.

Or, sometimes, they mistake a young asian girl for their sister and try to steal their make up.

Today, that person was me.

05:01 pm: oh my!
Hi, Im arsenic cookie... ooooh, blahblahblah...

IM ARSENIC COOKIE!!!!


loook at me.

Im stupid, and stuff...

01:08 am: This is what I heard on the subway tonight.

"Learning to speak German is totally easy. I mean, speaking German is basically like speaking English when you're drunk."

02:50 pm: Party at my apt, Friday night. You are all invited.

I wanted to call our apartment FabulousFace but that idea just didn't jive.

08:51 pm: Hell no.